Starting Fresh (After 14 Years)

July 29, 2013:

I just read this post from a blog I follow:

No one is going to fall in to my lap while I am sitting at home though! Time to come out of the cocoon. Take a risk, probably have a few panic attacks and go meet people on my own.  Just thinking about it makes me nervous.  But time to just do it.

I so wish I can do this in a snap. Just go out and do it. Ugh, now I sound like an endorser.

The how of dating again, after a looooooong time, is a frightful thought. How does one go back to dating, after being married and separated, after having children, after struggling to get up and get on with life. Scary. Frightening.

Fraught with thoughts of rejection and unrequited love, of trying again, I suddenly laugh at myself for being silly. Who would reject me when I haven’t even met anyone nor put myself in any situation where I am likely to meet someone.

So now that the second half of the year is about to start, I figured it is not yet too late to get a move on in 2013. How? Let me try and figure this out, do a daily check of what I have done and what I should be doing, and maybe I will be on to something.

For starters, maybe I should take stock of the me now, 11 years after the fateful event in my life. Who is me now? And how does the me now look at life and men?

——- fast forward to today, March 24, 2015

I came across this post I wrote on July 2013 but never got the chance to publish. I may have gotten distracted as was usual. My days are usually one harried blur to the next. Stumbling into this post struck me as very ironic but timely indeed.

Two days ago, my estranged husband was talking to me of annulment and moving on. We have been separated for almost 14 years now but have never taken any steps to legalize the matter. The Philippines, being the last hold out on instituting a divorce law, this is not really very surprising.

His reason, though, is a timeless classic. He wants to marry his new girlfriend. Haha. Not that I am surprised, this being the second time he broached this subject. But I think this time, he means it. As in seriously mean it to actually go through with the whole process.

I said yes, I will cooperate as long as he meets my conditions:

1. the kids will not be required to give testimony
2. I will be a non-appearance
3. he pays for everything
4. he will support the children financially (amount to be agreed on)

Harsh much? I don’t think so. I have really been quite lenient the past 14 years, not demanding anything from him. I almost single-handedly brought up the children with the loving support of my family. But like I have told my dear soon to be ex-husband, it is all in the past now.

About time for all of us to completely move on with our separate lives.

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